Early Check-Out Fees

My mind is all ready on vacation, and the simple fact that I'm sitting at work writing this is an testament to how much I'm paying for that fun little fact. It doesn't seem like any thing I do can capture my attention for longer than five seconds. This must be how a five year old cracked out on sugar feels, Oh, shiny! Oh, ice cream! Oh, puppy! Except, being the adult I am, I'm turning all my attentions to the internet and attempting to make that little clock on the bottom right hand of my computer screen move just a little more faster. If I had a time machine, I would totally use it right about now to fast forward to five p.m, not even caring that I might have to kill my future self in order to prevent a rip in the fabric of time. Yes, I just went that nerdy on you but I digress. 

The internet is for porn. Okay, hang in there with me because it's actually a very true statement. There are two three-to-four letter words that will get you around the internet all day long and that's porn and lol. No matter what type of person you are, type those two words (even together if your feeling adventurous) into a search engine and you have a whole day of nothing but double clicks and laughing your funny bone off. To that fair few who are staring at the screen right now with an eyebrow arched, just go..right now..I'm pointing dramatically in the opposite direction of my blog. Begone.

After you scroll through the millions of actual porn sites brought up by that single four letter word, you might just find something interesting. That is to say, if you didn't find something graphically explicit with adds to the sides promising to grow your penis an extra 5 inches or the number for local whores, before this point and are now...never mind. I just hope you didn't do this search at work, unless of course your a porn star, then by all means do your work study. I on the other hand, made it past the land mines of actual porn and ended up on a very educational site where I learned how the porn industry came into being and how the movies are made.I watched it all the way up to the really messed up but none the less hilarious porn spoofs, out of sheer boredom. Yes, I didn't stop for actual porn but porn spoofs were interesting enough to me for a curious click. I'm odd, don't judge. I have to say though, the thing that topped the cake was when I found a Youtube clip of Sesame Street characters singing, you guessed it: The Internet is for Porn. For the rest of my life, when ever some one says Sesame Street I will envision Bert and Ernie belting out vulgar lyrics about porn. The internet, ruining your child hood memories one random search at a time. From Power Ranger to Porn Star!

Typing in LOL, I found the League of Legends a Multiplayer Online Battle Arena (forgive me, my nerd is showing through again), and all most decided my brain was melted enough by this point in time to join in. Luckily, the cats saved me. That's right boys and girls, LOL Cats saved me from spending the next month building a completely pointless character and wasting hours of my life on a game that would go no where. You might ask yourself, how awesome is this site to have saved her? The whole site is dedicated to animals, funny...captioned...animals. After scrolling through the hall of fame, I decided that I would have to rush home after work and create one of my own from my animals, because lets be honest mine are so much more cute than any on that site so far. Following the line of curiosity killed the cat, I found the Urban Dictionary. Note to all reading: if you are a little out of touch with the lingo of the times I highly recommend you just ask a fifteen-year old and avoid this site at all cost. I would never have thought the phrase Alaskan Ghost Rider could be any thing sexual, but thank you Urban Dictionary for giving me a new view of both Alaskan's and that horrible Nicolas Cage movie. 

If you happen to run out of searches, because you spent all day online like I did, lets hope you have friends like mine who make recommendations. Cracked.com is an excellent waste of time site, simply because no matter what you are interested in they will probably have something that will amuse you for pointless hours to come. It entertains you with this amusing, wildly sarcastic tone, while feeding you stories to share with your friends or family later. Whether you randomly bring up knowing about 7 Famous Musicians Who Stole Some of Their Biggest Hits  to some one in the office the next day, or decide to tell the little old lady down the lane that if her cat tries to claim you one more time your going to get a restraining order on the furry bastard, is all on you. We have come full circle it seems, at cats, because I just keep thinking about leaving mine for a week in the tender care of my fiance. Which of course comes on the heels of me thinking of my vacation, in three days. Is it five O'clock yet?

Robots crawl in bodies for surgery (and then take over world)

Viewing Yahoo news this morning, where I admittedly get most of my news, I scanned past fluff pieces like 'How 'Dancing' star stays thin' and 'Kim K. changes hair' only to stop on a particular piece named 'Tool-wielding robots crawl in bodies for surgery'. Now, I have to admit that I'm about fifty-fifty on the whole advancement of robots that can think and act on their own. I know the benefits can be great, and list off five million reasons why the advancement of medical robots is a good goal to have in the medical field, but I want you to think about where my mind went after reading the last few paragraphs of the article.

"Velosa has been building robots that ask humans for help when they don't know what to do, as well as teams of robots that play soccer against each other. Sometimes, the robots surprise her. During one soccer game against robots from another university, the Carnegie Mellon team scored on a particular play. That sent a positive signal to the robot's computers, which are designed to reward success and discourage failures in the game. Her robots then tried the play again — and scored again. It turned out they had discovered a programing flaw in the other team of robots, just like some sports teams find a flaw in their opponents. Velosa's robot's kept using the same play, scoring every time, and thus reinforcing the tendency to try the play over and over. The robots crushed the other team. "It was programmed by me, but it looked to me as if they learned," she said. "I believe we are much closer to having robots be able to coexist with humans. The beautiful thing is you see the robots learning"  

Am I the only one who watched the movie A.I, you know the one with Will Smith and Haley Joel Osment as the adorable artificial kid which is the first to have real feelings, especially a never-ending love for his "mother", Monica? Monica who apparently wanted to live in denial about her own son and adopted the mecha 'David' as a substitute, because her real flesh and blood was in cryo-stasis, stricken by an incurable disease. The real plot twist came when David (who was happily living happily with Monica and her husband) got thrown out like yesterdays trash when their real son returns home after a cure is discovered. Rule #1: Nothing good comes out of robots that look like little kids and can think for themselves, even if they are squishy and come with adorable little bear side kicks.

Even if that doesn't put a kink in the whole 'self thinking robots are a good thing' theory, lets just recap. Denial. Betrayal. Humans being replaced by Artificial Intelligent beings who think they are superior to us because their chips are wired better than ours, say what? Robot war, you guessed it! They become so advanced they start seeing us as flawed, and instead of helping us they decide to murder us all. Rule #2: Playing god and creating 'life' never amounts to anything good. 

But what am I thinking, that's just a movie right? It would NEVER happen like that, with all the advanced technology we have and what not they will just advance to think for themselves but not to retaliate against us. Im snorting in laughter right now, just imagining some one expecting their first kids getting the very same lecture from a parent. No, my kid will never retaliate against me because I will raise little Ashley to be independent but not too independent as for her to ever want to go against my wishes.. Wait until the teenage years, and all that fancy talk will go down the drain. On the bright side, we could end up with nano bots running through our bodies that turn us all into Atlantean vampires. No, we will not sparkle but we will all have cool silver eyes and have very hot, soul searching sex. Wait, that's the Argeneau Series by Lynsay Sands and that would be completely ridiculous....every one knows there is no such thing as soul searching sex. Nano Bot Induced Vampire Sex - Here!

Walks of life

Reflecting on my life, its hard to believe the complete hodge podge of people and lifestyles I have come across and befriended. I mostly chalk the phenomenon up to my outgoing personality, the healthy dose of curiosity I have about everything in general, and a seriously open mind. With such a wide mix of persona's drifting in and out of my life I'm still amazed at the situations I find myself in from time to time, and the conversations I have. Its really silly actually, I act momentarily shocked then I take a step back and pretty much think to myself, 'This situation really was unavoidable.' Just think how it feels for me to realize I just spent most of the morning discussing non-sexual BDSM, the pro's and con's of breast feeding, and teasingly joking about the politics behind Obama supporting the gays.  It takes a certain type to juggle such odd conversations before the first cup of caffeine.

Now don't get me wrong, I have plenty of plane Jane conversations. Just like most people, I pretend I'm normal Monday thru Friday 8-5. I just find it fun to occasionally branch out and touch on the different life styles of others, and I have found that if your really open and non-judgmental you can actually learn more about yourself through the exploration of others. The real amusing part comes when you start to wonder about yourself because you aren't doing some of these crazy and wild things your discussing so thoroughly with others. For example, I have so many friends who enjoy the BDSM lifestyle that I would have to be a little more lily white than I am to not have ever have had 'the chat' with a few of them. That's not to say I'm going out and buying gags and floggers, its just me believing that knowledge is power and that knowledge is going to allow me to live my life fully . I want to be able to go to my grave knowing that if I ever walked into a room with a Roman Cross in it, I would be informed enough not to hang my coat on it.

Its the same about the conversation I was having with a female friend about breastfeeding, except with this particular subject I might actually have to put the information to use one day (heaven forbid). Lets be clear, I don't ever plan on having children, don't enjoy children for long periods of time, and would probably duct tape one to the wall if the situation called for it. That being said, I have done my research on mostly any thing that involves child birth and the after care because as per usual I cant go on not understanding something most of my friends have gone through. I want to be able to look at a wish list for one of their baby showers and know what a breast pump looks like, with out having to find the nearest sales associate to quietly ask my question in shame. I have breasts, I should know what a breast pump is, it seems only logical right?

Now that I think about it, maybe my interest in all things is just some elaborate scheme so I will never have to be flustered or embarrassed around others. Which reminds me of the last subject I spoke about this morning, President Barack Obama supporting the gays. I couldn't help but feel slightly flustered discussing Obamas support for the LGBT community with a gay acquaintance of mine. Honestly, it wasn't because he was gay, it wasn't because Obama is a Hawaiian Muslim raised by an Atheist mother, it was the fact that the person I was speaking with couldn't understand that Obama was doing it just to try to rake in votes. The delicate dance of trying to tell a person who is a part of that particular community, not to vote for Obama just because he is making empty gestures is akin to trying to nail jello to a tree. Even throwing the example that Obama had all ready used the promise to work on the legalization of marijuana in his original campaign, and done the exact opposite when he got into office wasn't enough to shine some truth on the subject. I can only repeat that this conversation included, pot, gays, and a Hawaiian Muslim trying to wave a rainbow colored flag to get votes in the next election.

Needless to say, my morning was a prime example of how far down the rabbit hole some of my conversations go. The nice part about having me as a friend though, is that even though I might not follow the same path as you in life I will try my hardest to at least be in the loop and understand. Im like a closet know it all, except there are some coats in here with me that are a little off colored and  probably shouldn't be brought out around polite company. At the very least, I have a nice selection of people to spend time with depending on my mood. If I feel like staying  home and baking cookies, I have a friend for that. If I feel like picking up a nice Sunday dress and heading to church, I have a fair share of friends for that. If I want to talk about the string theory and Schrödinger's cat, I have a nerdy friend or two on speed dial. If I want to go running around the woods under a full moon, naked and chanting in....Well, you get the point. I guess what this whole rant boils down too, is that all things considered I feel pretty damn lucky to have the wild & mixed bunch of people in my life to call friends. Its a little hard to remember how I came to know most of them, a lot of fun to be around them, and a shock when I meet even crazier ones than I all ready have. No matter what conversations I find myself in, no matter what wild situations I find myself in, Im glad to have had them in my life.

- Friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine. ~Thomas Jefferson

Blah

Today's blog is brought to you by the general feeling of: Blah.  I really cant describe today better than that one word, because in all honesty when I woke this morning I could all ready tell it was going to be a fight to get away from that feeling. The music blaring into my ears from my headphones seems to be a little less up beat, the power outage at work was just another way the universe was flipping me the bird, and I'm fairly certain I'm being stocked on one of my social networking sites. The latter is a rather funny bit of information to throw into the mix, when all things considering if it had been a mildly interesting or attractive stalker ..I probably would have put that into the positive category for the day. Instead, I sit here wishing that I lived back in a second story apartment where I don't have to worry about some stranger pressing their nose to my bedroom window at night to watch me sleep.

Its an odd sort of woman's logic for it to be okay for some one who has a strong resemblance to Chris Hemsworth to blatantly show interest, but heaven forbid a Gollum knockoff ever even look our way. One of the two to the right, is not allowed to want to lick my toes and the hint would be: I don't like to be called 'My Precious'. All kidding aside, I'm engaged and have plenty of male on my plate for one woman to happily enjoy. Okay, saying 'happily' in this mind set I'm in might be pushing it a little bit considering I'm fairly certain this funk is a male induced episode.  To avoid a lot of womanly relationship squabble, we will just say that I have been 'practically' married for the last two years and yet it feels like its going on 50 years in the romance department. I feel like I have to explain at least a little bit of my situation, I have been living with my other half for two years while we have been a couple for over three now. I did accept his proposal of marriage last July, but as my mother put it 'we did everything back ass backwards'. Which in layman terms means I'm a wife in all the ways that count, besides walking down an isle with wedding bells ringing and rice being thrown at me. We are working on getting that last bit fixed, but that's another can of worms to be had.

Im twenty-two, engaged (married?), graduated from college, have a nice three bedroom / two bath apartment, three very demanding pets that might as well be children with four paws, and a Mon-Fri 8-5 job. I have to admit, it all has me feeling like maybe I rushed through life when it was supposed to just be starting. Now, don't get me wrong I realize the blessings I have. I try very hard to realize and appreciate the good and bad things that are apart of my life. Its just that, during the nights like last night, where I lay beside my snoring other half in the dark with more space between us than the grand cannon I catch myself wondering if this is where I expected to be in life. Its like the same list plays over and over in my head, Am I happy? Yes. Am I as happy as I want to be. No. Do I love the person Im sharing my life with? Yes, so much so it hurts. So what is the problem?...... I have yet to answer that question because I think it's a lot of little things, and in my hectic life with so much going on all the time, its those creeping nights with its Blah inducing thoughts that leave me waking up in the morning in a funk.

 There are so many things in my life that are full and bountiful, and I have to believe that its some sort of flaw in my character that has me poking at the petty things that bother me. They leave me wondering, are you important? Do you really matter to me as a whole, or can I let you go and still carry on? What does it mean that I want to something more, but am willing to forget it under the weight of love? This whole situation has me both laughing and crying now as I type, and reminds me to leave this blog with one of my favorite quotes that maybe I need to pay more attention to: Don't sweat the petty things, and more importantly, don't pet the sweaty things.