Blah

Today's blog is brought to you by the general feeling of: Blah.  I really cant describe today better than that one word, because in all honesty when I woke this morning I could all ready tell it was going to be a fight to get away from that feeling. The music blaring into my ears from my headphones seems to be a little less up beat, the power outage at work was just another way the universe was flipping me the bird, and I'm fairly certain I'm being stocked on one of my social networking sites. The latter is a rather funny bit of information to throw into the mix, when all things considering if it had been a mildly interesting or attractive stalker ..I probably would have put that into the positive category for the day. Instead, I sit here wishing that I lived back in a second story apartment where I don't have to worry about some stranger pressing their nose to my bedroom window at night to watch me sleep.

Its an odd sort of woman's logic for it to be okay for some one who has a strong resemblance to Chris Hemsworth to blatantly show interest, but heaven forbid a Gollum knockoff ever even look our way. One of the two to the right, is not allowed to want to lick my toes and the hint would be: I don't like to be called 'My Precious'. All kidding aside, I'm engaged and have plenty of male on my plate for one woman to happily enjoy. Okay, saying 'happily' in this mind set I'm in might be pushing it a little bit considering I'm fairly certain this funk is a male induced episode.  To avoid a lot of womanly relationship squabble, we will just say that I have been 'practically' married for the last two years and yet it feels like its going on 50 years in the romance department. I feel like I have to explain at least a little bit of my situation, I have been living with my other half for two years while we have been a couple for over three now. I did accept his proposal of marriage last July, but as my mother put it 'we did everything back ass backwards'. Which in layman terms means I'm a wife in all the ways that count, besides walking down an isle with wedding bells ringing and rice being thrown at me. We are working on getting that last bit fixed, but that's another can of worms to be had.

Im twenty-two, engaged (married?), graduated from college, have a nice three bedroom / two bath apartment, three very demanding pets that might as well be children with four paws, and a Mon-Fri 8-5 job. I have to admit, it all has me feeling like maybe I rushed through life when it was supposed to just be starting. Now, don't get me wrong I realize the blessings I have. I try very hard to realize and appreciate the good and bad things that are apart of my life. Its just that, during the nights like last night, where I lay beside my snoring other half in the dark with more space between us than the grand cannon I catch myself wondering if this is where I expected to be in life. Its like the same list plays over and over in my head, Am I happy? Yes. Am I as happy as I want to be. No. Do I love the person Im sharing my life with? Yes, so much so it hurts. So what is the problem?...... I have yet to answer that question because I think it's a lot of little things, and in my hectic life with so much going on all the time, its those creeping nights with its Blah inducing thoughts that leave me waking up in the morning in a funk.

 There are so many things in my life that are full and bountiful, and I have to believe that its some sort of flaw in my character that has me poking at the petty things that bother me. They leave me wondering, are you important? Do you really matter to me as a whole, or can I let you go and still carry on? What does it mean that I want to something more, but am willing to forget it under the weight of love? This whole situation has me both laughing and crying now as I type, and reminds me to leave this blog with one of my favorite quotes that maybe I need to pay more attention to: Don't sweat the petty things, and more importantly, don't pet the sweaty things.