My mind is all ready on vacation, and the simple fact that I'm sitting at work writing this is an testament to how much I'm paying for that fun little fact. It doesn't seem like any thing I do can capture my attention for longer than five seconds. This must be how a five year old cracked out on sugar feels,
Oh, shiny! Oh, ice cream! Oh, puppy! Except, being the adult I am, I'm turning all my attentions to the internet and attempting to make that little clock on the bottom right hand of my computer screen move just a little more faster. If I had a time machine, I would totally use it right about now to fast forward to five p.m, not even caring that I might have to kill my future self in order to prevent a rip in the fabric of time. Yes, I just went that nerdy on you but I digress.
The internet is for porn. Okay, hang in there with me because it's actually a very true statement. There are two three-to-four letter words that will get you around the internet all day long and that's porn and lol. No matter what type of person you are, type those two words (even together if your feeling adventurous) into a search engine and you have a whole day of nothing but double clicks and laughing your funny bone off. To that fair few who are staring at the screen right now with an eyebrow arched, just go..right now..I'm pointing dramatically in the opposite direction of my blog. Begone.
After you scroll through the millions of actual porn sites brought up by that single four letter word, you might just find something interesting. That is to say, if you didn't find something graphically explicit with adds to the sides promising to grow your penis an extra 5 inches or the number for local whores, before this point and are now...never mind. I just hope you didn't do this search at work, unless of course your a porn star, then by all means do your work study. I on the other hand, made it past the land mines of actual porn and ended up on a very educational site where I learned how the porn industry came into being and how the movies are made.I watched it all the way up to the really messed up but none the less hilarious porn spoofs, out of sheer boredom. Yes, I didn't stop for actual porn but porn spoofs were interesting enough to me for a curious click. I'm odd, don't judge. I have to say though, the thing that topped the cake was when I found a Youtube clip of Sesame Street characters singing, you guessed it:
The Internet is for Porn. For the rest of my life, when ever some one says Sesame Street I will envision Bert and Ernie belting out vulgar lyrics about porn. The internet, ruining your child hood memories one random search at a time.
From Power Ranger to Porn Star!
Typing in LOL, I found the
League of Legends a
Multiplayer Online Battle Arena (forgive me, my nerd is showing through again), and all most decided my brain was melted enough by this point in time to join in. Luckily, the cats saved me. That's right boys and girls, LOL Cats saved me from spending the next month building a completely pointless character and wasting hours of my life on a game that would go no where. You might ask yourself, how awesome is this site to have saved her? The whole site is dedicated to animals, funny...captioned...animals. After scrolling through the hall of fame, I decided that I would have to rush home after work and create one of my own from my animals, because lets be honest mine are so much more cute than any on that site so far. Following the line of curiosity killed the cat, I found the Urban Dictionary. Note to all reading: if you are a little out of touch with the lingo of the times I highly recommend you just ask a fifteen-year old and avoid this site at all cost. I would never have thought the phrase Alaskan Ghost Rider could be any thing sexual, but thank you Urban Dictionary for giving me a new view of both Alaskan's and that horrible Nicolas Cage movie.
If you happen to run out of searches, because you spent all day online like I did, lets hope you have friends like mine who make recommendations. Cracked.com is an excellent waste of time site, simply because no matter what you are interested in they will probably have something that will amuse you for pointless hours to come. It entertains you with this amusing, wildly sarcastic tone, while feeding you stories to share with your friends or family later. Whether you randomly bring up knowing about 7 Famous Musicians Who Stole Some of Their Biggest Hits to some one in the office the next day, or decide to tell the little old lady down the lane that if her cat tries to claim you one more time your going to get a restraining order on the furry bastard, is all on you. We have come full circle it seems, at cats, because I just keep thinking about leaving mine for a week in the tender care of my fiance. Which of course comes on the heels of me thinking of my vacation, in three days. Is it five O'clock yet?
My mind is all ready on vacation, and the simple fact that I'm sitting at work writing this is an testament to how much I'm paying for that fun little fact. It doesn't seem like any thing I do can capture my attention for longer than five seconds. This must be how a five year old cracked out on sugar feels, Oh, shiny! Oh, ice cream! Oh, puppy! Except, being the adult I am, I'm turning all my attentions to the internet and attempting to make that little clock on the bottom right hand of my computer screen move just a little more faster. If I had a time machine, I would totally use it right about now to fast forward to five p.m, not even caring that I might have to kill my future self in order to prevent a rip in the fabric of time. Yes, I just went that nerdy on you but I digress. 
The internet is for porn. Okay, hang in there with me because it's actually a very true statement. There are two three-to-four letter words that will get you around the internet all day long and that's porn and lol. No matter what type of person you are, type those two words (even together if your feeling adventurous) into a search engine and you have a whole day of nothing but double clicks and laughing your funny bone off. To that fair few who are staring at the screen right now with an eyebrow arched, just go..right now..I'm pointing dramatically in the opposite direction of my blog. Begone.
After you scroll through the millions of actual porn sites brought up by that single four letter word, you might just find something interesting. That is to say, if you didn't find something graphically explicit with adds to the sides promising to grow your penis an extra 5 inches or the number for local whores, before this point and are now...never mind. I just hope you didn't do this search at work, unless of course your a porn star, then by all means do your work study. I on the other hand, made it past the land mines of actual porn and ended up on a very educational site where I learned how the porn industry came into being and how the movies are made.I watched it all the way up to the really messed up but none the less hilarious porn spoofs, out of sheer boredom. Yes, I didn't stop for actual porn but porn spoofs were interesting enough to me for a curious click. I'm odd, don't judge. I have to say though, the thing that topped the cake was when I found a Youtube clip of Sesame Street characters singing, you guessed it: The Internet is for Porn. For the rest of my life, when ever some one says Sesame Street I will envision Bert and Ernie belting out vulgar lyrics about porn. The internet, ruining your child hood memories one random search at a time. From Power Ranger to Porn Star!
Typing in LOL, I found the League of Legends a Multiplayer Online Battle Arena (forgive me, my nerd is showing through again), and all most decided my brain was melted enough by this point in time to join in. Luckily, the cats saved me. That's right boys and girls, LOL Cats saved me from spending the next month building a completely pointless character and wasting hours of my life on a game that would go no where. You might ask yourself, how awesome is this site to have saved her? The whole site is dedicated to animals, funny...captioned...animals. After scrolling through the hall of fame, I decided that I would have to rush home after work and create one of my own from my animals, because lets be honest mine are so much more cute than any on that site so far. Following the line of curiosity killed the cat, I found the Urban Dictionary. Note to all reading: if you are a little out of touch with the lingo of the times I highly recommend you just ask a fifteen-year old and avoid this site at all cost. I would never have thought the phrase Alaskan Ghost Rider could be any thing sexual, but thank you Urban Dictionary for giving me a new view of both Alaskan's and that horrible Nicolas Cage movie. 
If you happen to run out of searches, because you spent all day online like I did, lets hope you have friends like mine who make recommendations. Cracked.com is an excellent waste of time site, simply because no matter what you are interested in they will probably have something that will amuse you for pointless hours to come. It entertains you with this amusing, wildly sarcastic tone, while feeding you stories to share with your friends or family later. Whether you randomly bring up knowing about 7 Famous Musicians Who Stole Some of Their Biggest Hits to some one in the office the next day, or decide to tell the little old lady down the lane that if her cat tries to claim you one more time your going to get a restraining order on the furry bastard, is all on you. We have come full circle it seems, at cats, because I just keep thinking about leaving mine for a week in the tender care of my fiance. Which of course comes on the heels of me thinking of my vacation, in three days. Is it five O'clock yet?
Sesame Street, or Avenue Q? Because, lady, if you haven't heard of Avenue Q after being friends for this long, this is something I MUST correct!
ReplyDeleteAhahaha...It was def. Sesame Street!!
ReplyDelete